Today I pulled out old half written in journals. I opened them with caution not knowing what thoughts or feelings they housed. I often lock such things up between the pages of notebooks. Hoping that by squeezing them between other notebooks on the bookshelf, they will be kept well contained. However, in an attempt to be braver, I pulled them carefully off the shelf and stacked them in a pile on my desk. It was jarring to see the dates on some of the pages. The me five years ago mirrored on the yellowing paper. The pages have aged just like myself. Some of what I wrote about are things I still struggle with. While others are successes. I am reminded after reading them that life is really this journey we are on. We will one day arrive at the end of the journey here with these bodies we have been afforded. I used to think if I just stood still maybe I wouldn't have to think about that. Maybe I could stop the progression of time. Yet, you can't push back on time. It is ever moving us forward. I now think of moments as incredibly profound opportunities. Noora and I were driving in the car earlier today, and she leaned over and said, "Gosh mom you are forgetting a lot of things. I guess it's because you are old." I shot back, "I am only 47. I haven't even reached 50. And to that, I am sure that my fifties are going to be better than my 30s. Then I can totally self actualize in my 60s, and then maybe when I am 70, I will concede that I am old." For sure that is my state of mind right now. I have life to live. I am not constrained like the journals shoved together on the shelves. As I was flipping through an old composition notebook, I came across a quote that I wrote on a page. It says, "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience." (Teilhard De Chardin) The quote gently reminded me that the journey of this life will lead yet another journey. The Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) stated, "Be in this world as if you were a stranger or a traveler." We are traveling through this life towards a new destination.
Journaling is so powerful. Although I haven’t kept journal over the years, I have scribbled my thoughts on pieces of pieces of paper here and there.
I love the vulnerability of this post. Even years later there are some things we are still working through. Looking back, we also realize those things we used struggle with, we have overcome.
I have been wanting to starting journaling and Insha’Allah I will final start today.
Thank you 💕